“Fuck everyone who let this happen”

TullipR is from the UK and lived as a trans woman from 26 to 34, including hormone therapy and full genital surgery in 2018. TullipR is active on Twitter and leads the Detrans Men’s Group, which he launched in April this year. Here is his testimony which we hope will open the eyes of young people who are uncomfortable and pushed by the government, the Woke left and greedy surgeons to embark on a transition that will have no return.

I want to tell everyone what they took from us, what ‘irreversible’ really means and what that reality looks like to us. Nobody told me anything about what I’m going to tell you now. I have no sensation in my crotch area. You could stab me with a knife that I wouldn’t know. The whole area is numb, as if in shock and unable to understand what happened, even four years later. Nobody told me that the base area of ​​the penis would remain, because it can’t be removed — meaning you end up with a literal strain inside that contracts. When you take testosterone and your libido returns, you wake up with a morning erection, minus the penis. I wish that was a joke. But this is something that will never come back. My libido died about six months on HRT (Hormone Replacement Therapy) and at the time I was happy to be rid of it, but now ten years later I realize what I’m missing and what I won’t get back not. Because even if I had a libido, my neo-vagina is so tight and small that I couldn’t even have sex if I wanted to. And when I use a small vaginal dilator, I get random sensations that pick up on pain rather than pleasure. All the pleasure I feel comes from the prostate which has been advanced and enveloped in the glands of the penis, which means that anal sex is not possible with the risk of further damage.

Then there are the dreams. I often dream that I have both genitals. I tell myself that I have to wake up because I know it’s only a dream. And I wake up in a real nightmare. In those moments of amnesia, as I woke up, I touched my crotch expecting something that had been there for three decades, but it wasn’t. My heart is racing, every fucking time.

Then there is going to the bathroom. It takes me about ten minutes to empty my bladder, it’s extremely slow, painful and because it drools no matter how much I relax, it will then go all over that area, leaving me drenched. So, after cleaning myself up, I’ll notice moments later that my underwear is wet — no matter how much I wiped, it drips slowly for a good hour. I didn’t know that at thirty-five I ran the risk of smelling piss everywhere I went. Now I’m getting to the point where I’m detransitioned and caught up in the realization that it’s permanent.

During the transition I was obsessive and deeply sick, I can’t believe they were allowed to do this to me, even after all the red flags. They didn’t even ask me if I wanted to freeze sperm or if I wanted kids. In my obsessive and deeply sick state, they just nodded and didn’t tell me the realities, what life would be like. And finally, there’s dilation, which feels like some kind of demonic ceremony where you impale yourself for twenty agonizing minutes to remind yourself of your own stupidity. It’s not regret, it’s grief and anger. Fuck everyone who let this happen.

Testimony of TullipR translated by The Media in 4-4-2